Forgiveness; Is This The Real Deal?

Forgiveness; Is This The Real Deal? – Live Better Live Now. Your life will require you to forgive and to be forgiven by others many, many, many times. The sooner you can learn this and also teach it’s practice to those you love – the sooner you and they can embrace a more free and happy life.

Here’s the “skinny” on what is and is not, forgiveness:

image

What Forgiveness Is NOT:

1. Condoning, dismissing or minimizing what has happened. Pretending it doesn’t matter only drives the negative inward, it doesn’t make it go away.

2. “Forgive and Forget”; this has got to be some of the worst of common wisdom out there. Forgetting is utter nonsense and foolishness. If you do not remember, you cannot learn and make better decisions ahead. Even the great religious texts do not ask us to forget. (ex. The bible specifies forgiveness, it doesn’t support forgetting…these two are very different.)

3. Reconciling. Keep in mind that forgiveness is a spiritual and internal act. It does not require the other person(s) involvement. Reconciliation is between the offending and the offended – this is a human exchange and unlike forgiveness, reconciling require reciprocity. Forgiveness is an action solely of itself. (forgiveness heals the self, reconciling heals the relationship – sometimes the relationship is not a safe or healthy one and it needs to dissolve).

image

What Real Forgiveness IS:

1. It’s hard to truly believe in or be open to forgiveness for ourselves when we cannot practice it for others.

2. The conscious choice to not only not seek revenge, but to not harbor the desire for it within ourselves.

3. Allowing whatever injustice we feel to be righted by an appropriate higher system and/or our higher power.

4. Allowing ourselves to see humanity, however flawed, of all involved and not just from a perspective as the offended.

5. Relating the story of what happened with consideration for the above (4) and not an account of accusation that continues to spread injury.

6. Asking, praying, meditating or hoping for healing for the offender – to whatever extent you can. This frees you to move forward in life.

image

(If you are having trouble wrestling with forgiveness, forgetting and reconciling in your own life, getting some professional guidance might be helpful).

Authenticity & Making Amends

Authenticity & Making Amends

Making amends – whether in your step work or for anyone out there – is never easy and often made worse by misunderstanding the core purpose of this exercise of self. Although we may ponder what to say, how and when to say it, whether by phone, letter or in person – the truth of the matter is that those details are really not what this is about. Making an amend is about digging deep into ourselves and bringing forth – with authenticity and conviction – a true and heartfelt owning of our own failing, an expression with full integrity and confirmation “aloud” that we truly intend not to repeat it. But here’s the catch: making an amend has zero to do with how it is received. Think about this. If you are in any way leaning towards gaining a positive response from the recipient – then this becomes “for you” not “from you”, and the integrity and purpose are disrupted.

TimeIsGood

This is really hard for most of us. But good things rarely come easy – and the making of authentic amends is ultimately good for us and hopefully, for those we are making them to. That’s not to say that making the amend to the other person is always appropriate. In some cases – if it will harm or upset their lives more – than I have to ask myself am I creating more good or more despair in this? If you are unsure – talk with your sponsor, counselor or someone you are confident will be objective and honest about it.

image

Making an authentic amend is an act of true compassion. What I mean by that is that it is about “what is needed” and not at all about “what is wanted”. If desire is part of the equation, you probably need to rethink it. Attachment to an outcome has no part in making an amend.

Authenticity & Making Amends / Texas Recovery Support / Houston, Texas